13 hours in, already panicking!

At her grocery store visit this afternoon, Linnea spent $206. Her chauffeur, Tim, reported back that she started panicking over money somewhere in the gluten free cereal aisle. She actually has $52 left, as I reimbursed her for a couple of baking items, and Tim had paid for his own donuts. Since arriving home, she has bounced around the kitchen, alternating between using her Sharpie on the chips and pretzels, and saying, "I'm a failure, I'm never going to make it, I bought too much, there is nothing to eat."

I believe I also heard her say, "Do NOT ask me what is for dinner!!"

She has made good use of our chest freezer, putting several things away for later in the week (also labeled), and is planning to cut up fruit so it is ready for people to eat. "Mom, I think people are just too lazy to bother with fixing the fruit." No kidding.

In between labeling, making some lunch and putting groceries away, I think she wore herself out. She was heard to say, "I need a break!" several times, and has now put herself to bed.

I hope she wakes up in time to make the dinner . . .

One person's week ends, the next one begins

Caroline headed off the the grocery store this morning with her last $31 (maybe $32, I think she has some change), vowing to "spend it all!" Besides the brats and hot dogs for dinner, she was picking up chips and ice cream, so I think all the vital food groups were covered.

At this point, she seems thoroughly disgusted by the project, or perhaps just disgusted by the complaints she has heard throughout the week. When asked what she might do differently next time, she said, "I'll spend $50 on snack food right away, then they won't have anything to complain about." Good luck with that, I'm sure there will be complaining!

I think that Caroline's week was fairly successful from a food and financial perspective, but her attitude was definitely affected by the people around her. Besides the stress she placed on herself to not run out of money, she allowed the comments of others to really irritate her. Anyone grow up with an older brother? Can you guess what Tim did when faced with her reactions to his teasing? Yup. That's what he did. This, in turn, led me to practice many moments of deep breathing, as my own goal for personal growth this summer is to not over-react to my teens. Besides the meltdown on Tuesday, there were several other times when I was ready to throw in the towel on the whole project!

Linnea is ready to go for her week, and plans to be the most successful of the bunch so far. The dining room table is covered with lists and charts, coupons and plans. It sounds like she will spend the bulk of her money on Monday, and then bake like crazy every day. I hope it cools off a bit, as we don't have air-conditioning and she has hours of oven time planned for each day!

While she looks pretty even-keeled about the project at the moment, she has already her own moment of crisis. After Caroline came home from the store with her chips and ice cream, Linnea came to me in a panic:

Linnea: "Mom, Mom, Mom! She used my deals!"
Mom: "Whaaat?"
Linnea: "Caroline used my deals!!"
Mom: "What are you talking about?"
Linnea: "The deals! From the paper! I was going to get the ice cream deal and the 3/$6 chips, and SHE BOUGHT THEM TODAY!"
Mom: "Um, can't you still get them tomorrow?"
Linnea (stopped in her tracks): "Really? We can have six bags of chips in the house?"
Mom: "Well, I don't think we'll have six bags of chips for very long . . ."

We won't, one bag didn't make it through lunch.

Storm front coming

There are many reasons why Linnea's upcoming week could be fabulous, but there are also several reasons why it could be a disaster.

Fabulous first. Linnea is extremely organized, loves list making and planning. She has been contemplating her meals and coming up with ideas to both have enough snacks and to keep people from eating them too fast. The latest I've heard involves separating servings of snacks into individual baggies -- I remember doing this once when the kids were little. It was successful, but a lot of work. Linnea is not afraid of work!

She is also a natural at budgeting. For years, she has been dividing her earnings into money she can use and her "Life" fund. I think she may be ready to buy a house by the time she is 21! I am expecting some use of coupons as well. Linnea has watched a few episodes of Extreme Couponing, and finds the idea of getting something for nothing to be quite delightful. (Likes most of us, however, she hasn't quite figured out why it might be necessary to own 100 tubes of toothpaste, even if it was $0.10 per tube!)

Here's the problem. Linnea is also a pleaser. I fully expect her response to complaints about a lack of food to be, "oh, I'm sorry! What can I get for you?" At which point, she will hop on her bike and be off to make sure everyone is happy. Too many trips like that and she will be broke by Thursday. Please understand, I don't think her generosity is a bad trait, I just worry that her need to keep people happy may backfire in this case. Leading to the next problem . . .

If Linnea is the first one to run out of money (Caroline has $31 left with two days to go), she will be devastated. She will both feel like a failure and worry that we will all be hungry for the remaining days. I can see this project being the topic of lifelong therapy sessions! Of the four children, I go into Linnea's week with the most trepidation, while also imagining great success, as I know how much she loves to cook and bake. This may be the week that we do eat muffins and cookies for dinner, or at least dessert, because I know Linnea will keep us fully supplied!

Let's all hope that Linnea's excitement can overcome her natural anxiety, otherwise there may be some tough days next week!

The battle continues . . .

Remember the pretzels that said, "DON'T OPEN UNTIL THURSDAY!" from Caroline's Monday shopping trip? They've been opened, and were eaten in about 14 minutes. Unfortunately for the eaters, Caroline was at the store at the time and didn't know they were being consumed. She didn't buy any more, and now there are none.

I'm sure pretzels are off future lists, as she is down to $47 and needs to save up for two $5 chickens tomorrow, and brats, hot dogs and buns for Sunday. You know she is worried that $47 won't be enough for that list! Frankly, I'm not even sure the chickens will make the cut.

It seems like the kids are noticing how hard it is to have good food available that everyone likes, all the time. Tim says we have no protein, even though there is turkey, peanut butter and plenty of eggs. Apparently, "I don't like . . ." is now synonymous with "we don't have." The limitations on snack food have made for some battles over portion size and some unexpected defending of siblings -- "Tim did not eat the WHOLE bag, I had a few with my lunch. Stop picking on him!" Go Linnea! This is, of course, in reference to the aforementioned pretzels. (Also in defense of Tim, the gluten free pretzels we buy come in an 8 oz. bag, not the giant bags of regular pretzels that most people get. It is pretty easy to mow down these bags in no time at all.)

I think Caroline is going to make it through her week, both with a little money to spare but also with a little better understanding of how tough this is. Her mood is much improved from Tuesday, but she is counting down the minutes to Sunday night. And, she still has her worry mark, right between the eyes!

What is it about Tuesdays?

Last week, Tim got to Tuesday afternoon, day two of his week, and started telling me how this was too hard and he didn't want to do it. This week, Caroline got to Tuesday afternoon and she actually did quit! Threw the money at me, yelled, "I QUIT!!" and stormed up to her room, with a door slam for good measure.

What is it about Tuesdays?

Now, I know you would love to read all the details about Caroline's meltdown, and I really wish I could tell you. But I can't. I promised. One of the tearful moments involved her saying, "and now you are going to blog about me!" And I said I wouldn't do that. Those of you who were teenage girls, have teenage daughters or have ever met any teenagers at all can let your imagination run wild. I'm sure whatever you come up with will be right on the money!

I can, however, talk about Tuesdays.

In fairness to Tuesday, it might be the fact that it is the second day of the budget week here. If we started on Sunday, maybe Monday would be the problem. I have to say, though, that I hate Tuesday as much as Tim and Caroline seem to, and if I am going to punt on cooking, that will be the day. I think they both felt like the five days stretching ahead of Tuesday were interminable, and feeding us for the whole rest of the week really was too much for them. I will be interested to see if the pattern continues next week with Linnea.

Not to worry, I'm not falling for the sad faces, the money tossing or the door slamming! The cash has returned to Caroline's wallet, and she is still on for this week. I can't figure out why, but she has chosen to put off her next trip to the store until tomorrow -- maybe she just needs to get a little farther through the week before spending again. Her budget, her rules.

By the way, she opened up the bag of chips today! I haven't checked, but I am sure they are probably almost gone . . .

The Good, the Bad, and the Anxiety

The Good

If someone did a survey of how people do their grocery shopping, I'm sure there would a vast number of methods. Caroline chose to do a large shopping trip early in the week, with plans to get a few things here and there as she needs to. I'm a big fan of this method myself, and even more so after hearing Tim complain all week about his more European style of shopping everyday. So Caroline has a firm plan, and we have lots of food in the house.

The Bad

Caroline is bossy. There are numerous bags in the cabinet labeled "DON'T OPEN UNTIL THURSDAY!" As you might imagine, Caroline and Tim have already had a dust up as to whether or not he is going to follow her policy. She also headed off to the store with a comprehensive list in hand; however, when I met her at the car, she was quite annoyed with me. "Mother, you wrote on my list in the wrong color ink!" Okaaayyyy.

The Anxiety

Here's where things get interesting. I have long been under the impression, and those who know her will probably agree, that Caroline is basically an even-keeled person. While she does have the occasional meltdown, most of those are directly related to how tired she is. Easy fix -- listen for a few minutes, bundle her into bed and start over again in the morning. In the past few days, though, I have discovered this project has brought out perfectionist tendencies and worry as yet unseen in our Caroline. Who knew that she would spend every day with that little worry wrinkle in between her eyebrows? So, even after extensive planning, list writing and quality shopping, we had the following conversation:

Caroline: "I am going to run out of money."
Mom: "How much do you have left?"
Caroline: "Two 20s and a 50."
Mom: "You mean $90?"
Caroline: "Yeah, it isn't enough."
Mom: "Are you going to the store tomorrow?"
Caroline: "No."
Mom: "Are you going to the store on Wednesday?"
Caroline (a little panicked): "Yes!"
Mom: "What are you buying?"
Caroline: "Grapes and celery."
Mom (thinking, okay, that's $10): "Are you going to the store on Thursday?"
Caroline: "No."
Mom: "Are you going to the store on Friday?"
Caroline: "Yes!"
Mom: "And you are buying?"
Caroline: "Two $5 rotisserie chickens!"
Mom (again, thinking $10): "You'll have enough."
Caroline (really panicked): "No! I will not have enough!"

Sigh.

$250 is plenty for a week . . . Really?

When asked his opinion on how his first week of grocery shopping went, Tim said that it was "pretty terrible." He didn't like going to the grocery store every day (his choice initially) and he didn't like all the complaining he heard from his sisters.

I, on the other hand, think his first week was far from terrible, so I pressed him to find some positives in the experience. This is when he said:

"Well, $250 is plenty for a week."

Really.

He did, in fact, have money left over, $40. (Let me just mention here that I have now heard the following question from each child, "what happens to the money if we have some left over?" Now, we all know that my enterprising youngsters would like the answer to that question to be, "it's all yours, spend away!" Never going to happen, my friends!)

I asked Tim if is was possible that the complaining he heard from his sisters was any relation at all to the fact that he had money left over, since their biggest complaint was, "Tim only buys food HE likes!" and "there are NO snacks here!" I see a direct correlation between leftover cash and hungry, complaining sisters.

I will grant that I hear a lot of complaining when I am in charge, too, but my complaints come from a lack of preferred choices, not a lack of any choices. No one goes hungry in my kitchen!

So, my analysis is this. Tim had it pretty easy. Why? Because I gave him complete control, and I did not complain. When a cucumber was served as the green vegetable, I went with it. When pasta -- from the pantry -- was served for a second meal, we ate it. He also had it easy because his was the first week; the pantry was pretty full and he did not have to purchase several things that I would normally buy. The pasta? $2.29 per box (Barilla, gluten free, really tasty), and we served three boxes this week. Had he been home for the Alfredo, it would have been four boxes -- there goes $10 of his $40! He used cereal as the primary choice for breakfast; at well over $3.00 a box he saved money by not having to buy that this week as well. Caroline, on the other hand, has to buy at least two boxes of cereal tomorrow.

I think it is going to be important that each child take on the project for two weeks. Tim is pleased that he has extra money, but started with an advantage. He should also learn some things from the weeks the girls shop, about Rule #7 especially, since they are likely to not buy anything he likes. What goes around comes around, so he might be the next hungry teen!

New week, new kid, new method

Unlike Tim, who was given ample opportunity to plan his meals and make a grocery list, but chose not to, Caroline has done serious legwork today. She is not going to face her first week without thinking it through. Dinners for the next seven days are listed out on a white board, and her grocery list is written out -- divided into categories and labeled with which day she should shop for which items. Coupons have been gathered, and are also marked on the list. I'm a proud mama!

I still think she has too many big ticket items in her plan. Her meat list alone is at least $50, and includes two kinds of lunch meat, shrimp (we're back to that, instead of the salmon), lots of chicken and, of course, lots of bacon. She is planning to buy fruit, thankfully, but has a long list there, too. I hope when she goes to the store tomorrow, she keeps a running total in her head!

She has asked for some advice, since she was not impressed with Tim's system. She let us know that she was hungry "alllll week!" because he did not spend enough on Monday. I seriously think her list is probably upwards of $200 worth of groceries, but she seems to be planning on spending about $125 on the first shopping trip. We'll see how this goes, buying all at once is certainly a legitimate system, but without experience it could work against her.

She is a little worried about the blog, too.

Caroline: "Tim's week was so funny, what if I am not funny? What if there are no good stories for Mom to write on the blog?"
Dad: "Oh, don't worry, there will be stories!"
Caroline: "But what if my week is boring?"

Oh, sweet Caroline! I love your high expectations for success, but I guarantee that someone will have something to say about your turn for shopping that will entertain the masses. And I am pretty sure the best quotes will come right from your own mouth.

Lobster taste on a Ramen Noodle budget

Caroline has sensibly begun her planning for next week, and she is going to need some backup plans! So far, she has put salmon with bacon on the menu, along with shrimp and cheeseburgers -- also with bacon. She loves bacon, but I don't think she realizes how expensive it is!

I did discover a BOGO sale on salmon that goes through Wednesday, but suggested she might want to go with salmon or shrimp, not both. "But, Mom, I love salmon and shrimp!" Choices will have to be made, or we are going to be left with cereal for dinner by Friday.

I appreciate her willingness to plan, as Tim chose not to do much of that and ended up doing lots of complaining by the end of the week. However, Caroline's plan seems to involve serving every meal she loves that we don't make very often. She doesn't seem to realize that there are reasons we don't make these dinners often -- expensive ingredients, complicated recipes, lots of prep time. Giving up control to Caroline may result in way too much cooking stress to make it worth it!

Another problem I see with Caroline's plan is a large number of bread products. We eat gluten free here and while I make fabulous GF bread, my current method involves a refrigerator rise of 2-5 days. There is no last minute throwing together some rolls here! It also involves, well, work. Probably for me.

I know for sure that we will be having French Toast one night. Breakfast for dinner is a family favorite, and if someone else is planning and shopping, I can probably bring myself to stand over the griddle for awhile. Naturally, there will be bacon!

I just realized I have no control

I had a moment a few days ago when I realized that I will not be deciding what we have for dinner for the next eight weeks (nine, if you figure I'm not in charge on vacation, either). Sounds great, right? Turns out to be rather terrifying.

If I am not deciding the meal, we might not have a vegetable. Or a salad. Or fruit.

I like vegetables. And salad. And fruit.

I feel better when I eat from all the food groups, not just carbs and protein. But I no longer control the money, and while I can make requests, if I'm not at the store I have no control over what comes home.

Gulp.

Tim looked out at the garden the other day, and commented (with a bit of disgust) that "this garden isn't doing me any good yet, I can't use anything for an actual meal!" It is Minnesota, after all, we can't expect June miracles in our short growing season. Right now, I am feeling his pain! This garden isn't doing me any good, I can't run out and pick some veg and turn it into lunch!

I do realize that as a parent, I could put my foot down and demand that we have fruit available, and vegetables with every dinner, but that creates a problem. This project isn't about me, it is about them. It isn't about perfection in week one, or even by the end of the summer. It is about making choices, making mistakes and learning some skills. I have to let them go and hope for the best.

Letting go. That's a skill worth mastering for me.

Rule #7 -- Try not to be selfish

There has been quite a bit of complaining by the sisters this week, after they discovered that Tim is buying himself donuts every day, without buying them anything. Which isn't quite true, he did buy them things, just not donuts!

"It's not FAIR!"
"Why does he get to use the food money on himself?"
"He only buys things HE likes!"

Well, girls, life is not fair! As the keeper of the food money all these years, I fully admit to buying food for myself (Hello, Friday morning hot chocolate!), and there is nothing in the rules about not spending on yourself. The girls seem to have difficulty grasping that they, too, will be in full control, and can buy donuts for themselves every day if they want. The rules are the same for everyone!

On the other hand . . . try not to be selfish.

I had to add this rule after I found out that Tim was at the store with one of his sisters, bought donuts for himself and did not buy one for her! That seemed a little low to me -- he defends himself by pointing out that the sister in question was Sabine, and she really shouldn't be eating donuts; nonetheless, it wasn't too cool.

This is an unexpected lesson for me in the experiment. For one thing, I don't think Tim -- or any of my kids -- is particularly selfish. So, when the money started burning a hole in his pocket, and he realized he could get donuts every day, it was surprising that he didn't get treats for everyone. I think there may be an element of feeling like he is doing all the work and deserves a reward, and isn't that part of the human condition? In fact, we are raising a generation of work and reward children, a society that gives everyone a trophy just for showing up. 

For Tim, the donut is the trophy, and he is earning it for more than just showing up. He has quickly discovered that this is a hard job, tedious and never ending. While there have been many sighs, much eye rolling, and a few complaints right back at the sisters -- "I am getting slammed every night for my dinner choices!" -- he is doing the work, and maybe a donut a day isn't unreasonable.

On the other hand . . . try not to be selfish. Maybe buy a dozen next time.

Budget woes

Pasta is Tim's favorite food group, and Alfredo is his go to choice in any restaurant. When I started preparing Alfredo at home, he was in heaven! Homemade Alfredo sauce, grilled chicken, mushrooms, peas and plenty of pasta in a large bowl that passes by his plate at least three times before the meal is finished. It was not surprising to me that it would be in his plan, nor was I surprised that he chose to move it to a different day when his own plans changed.

I did hope he would feed us something, though.

When I asked again on Wednesday morning about dinner, he offered us the option of going to a restaurant, "I'll leave some money for you." Hmmmm . . . Been to a restaurant lately with five people, two of whom have to order gluten free meals? Not cheap. 

Mom: "I think you should count your money."
Tim: "Why? I have a lot left."
Mom: "Count your money."
Tim: "$148."
Mom: "It is your decision, but are you really sure you want to send us to a restaurant? It is only Wednesday, and that $148 has to get you through Sunday."
Tim: "I guess you should probably have the Alfredo, but there will be leftovers, right?"

A little while later . . .

Mom: "Will you be going to the store? We need cream."
Tim: "Sigh."
Mom: "and garlic."
Tim (appalled): "Garlic? We don't have garlic?" (Like a head of garlic is going to break the bank!)
Mom: "Nope, we're out of garlic."
Tim: "Sigh. Please tell me we at least have chicken."
Mom: "I think so, check the freezer."
Tim: "This looks like fish!"
Mom: "That's because it is fish."
Tim: "I need chicken."
Mom: "Look again."
Tim: "Sigh."

Off to the store again! On Monday, he thought going to the store every day for what he needed would be great. Very European and not a terrible idea, but not exactly ideal, either. By Wednesday, going to the store every day had lost its appeal. To make things worse, apparently he prefers to drive one car over the other and I heard, "I have to take that car?"  Like one is a clunker and one is a Porsche or something! You know, kid, you could be walking . . .

And the Alfredo? Delicious, but no leftovers. Sorry, Tim!

Cucumber is a vegetable

We are about halfway through Tim's first week of handling the family grocery shopping. For those of you who haven't met him, Tim is 16, 6'1" and 160 lbs., and a three sport athlete.This means that in the summer, he runs about 40 miles a week, rollerskis for several hours 4 times a week (training for Nordic skiing, cross-country skis on wheels, kind of scary looking!), does strength and core nearly every day, plays baseball and rides his bike pretty much everywhere he needs to go. As you might imagine, he eats constantly. The speed with which he goes through food is a big reason why I started this project, because I don't think he really gets how annoying it is to keep him fed.

On Monday morning, when he got the $250, I think he was excited about the project. Taking a little sister along, he drove off to Cub Foods to buy his first round of groceries, having decided on loaded baked potatoes for dinner. He came home with the potatoes and broccoli to put on them, along with Gatorade, peanut butter cups, potato chips, Fanta and hotdogs. No one else eats hotdogs or drinks Gatorade. He did not come home with eggs, milk or apples. Having spent $81, he had "lots of money left!" Dinner was delicious, and included the peanut butter cups for dessert. Day 1, a success!

On Tuesday, we had the following conversation:

Tim: "So I guess we need a vegetable or something for dinner."
Me: "That would be nice."
Tim: "Do we have anything?"
Me: "I don't know, did you buy anything?"
Tim: "Sigh."

He went back to the store and bought a cucumber, at which point I asked if that was for salad. "Salad? We aren't having salad! Cucumber is the vegetable!" Oh boy. With the chicken drumsticks and mashed potatoes, I'd say day 2 was a success as well, but I missed the salad.

The best moment on Tuesday came at the dinner table, when Tim was asked about his plans for dinner the next night:

Me: "What are you planning for tomorrow?"
Tim: "Well, we were going to have Alfredo pasta, but I am moving that to Saturday, because I won't be home for dinner tomorrow."
Me: "Okay, so what are we having?"
Tim:" I guess you aren't going to eat."

If you have ever seen Tim grin, you can imagine the look on his face when he looked around the table after that statement!

Happily, I can report that we did eat on Wednesday, but that story deserves a post of its own.

The Ground Rules

Leaving off the first and last weeks of summer vacation, and a family trip to the beach, there are eight useful weeks for my summer experiment. Conveniently, I have four children, so that means two weeks each for taking turns with my grand grocery experiment.  One week for disaster, and the second week for success!

Here are the rules:

1) The week is Monday through Sunday, and includes all dinner planning, all grocery shopping, and making sure there are appropriate food choices for breakfast, lunch and snacks.

2) The budget is $250 cash, provided to the responsible teen on Monday morning.

3) Siblings and parents can be asked to prepare various food items. From past experience, asking does not necessarily mean things will get made, but go ahead and try!

4) Transportation to the store will be provided, except for Tim, but the driver does not have to go in.

5) Baking supplies get ordered in bulk, and will be resupplied as needed without using the $250 budget if advance notice is given. If you want chocolate chip cookies RIGHT NOW but we are out of chocolate chips, go buy your own!

6) The weekly rotation is oldest to youngest, and then repeats.

7) Try not to be selfish. (I had to add this one, three days in and I am already hearing "Tim only buys stuff HE likes!")

Someday, they will have to feed themselves . . .

People often ask us why we don’t have pets, and my standard answer is, “I don’t have pets, I have children. Children grow up and tie their own shoes!” Except, it seems quite possible that our children won’t grow up and tie their own shoes. They may not know how to write a check, or make a meal or get a job.  Apparently, they might call home if they get a bad grade on a paper in college and ask us to fix it for them. Just as we signed them up for t-ball with a buddy, or requested the “right” teacher for 4^th grade, we seem to be hand holding right through the teen years and into adulthood.

I love my children. They are delightful people and I enjoy them very much. I do not, however, have any plans for them to move home after college. I realize the current job market for college graduates looks dismal, and that life doesn’t always work out as planned, but I worry that we are shortchanging our teens by not providing them the tools for success when they leave home. Beyond that, we aren’t allowing them to fail in safe situations so that failure in real life – which will happen – doesn’t come as a total shock.

Someday, my children will grow up, graduate from college, move out and need to feed themselves. I’m not too worried about this, because they all know their way around the grocery store and the kitchen, but in the meantime, they live here and I have to feed them. As they are 12, 13, almost 15 and 16, and are student athletes training for fall and winter sports, they eat. A lot. Every week it seems that I spend a fortune at the grocery store only to find myself back again the next day because the food is gone. When the food is gone, they complain. A lot.

The complaining. That is what gets me every time. Planning and shopping and cooking are annoying and time consuming, but the complaining makes me crazy.

This summer I have a plan to get this crew in shape for staving off future starvation. If I get a little less complaining and a little more gratitude along the way, so much the better. I’m guessing there will be failure along the way, but I have high hopes for valuable lessons learned.

It’s a summer experiment, teenager training, an educational opportunity. Or maybe just another moment of “Momsanity” as my family calls it.

Here we go, time to learn how to tie your own shoes . . .