Thanks -- A blogger does need her fans

I never intended to make this project as public as it became. Each summer, we try to do something that provides some structure or prevents the dreaded brain loss associated with the long vacation from school. Let's be clear, these children had plenty of down time, even with being responsible for two weeks of planning, shopping and some cooking. In fact, the project ended up taking far more of my time than theirs -- it takes a lot of focus to come up with a pithy and entertaining blog post almost every day!

When I put up my first Facebook post all those weeks ago, I was astonished by the interest people showed, and was still surprised towards the end when a blog entry would be someone's favorite. Really? After 42 posts, you still like what I have to say? Cool.

While you all may have dragged me kicking and screaming into writing the blog, it turned out to be as valuable an exercise for me as handling the grocery budget was for the teens. Some days, when keeping up with the project was hard, knowing you were out there waiting for the next story was the only reason I didn't snatch the money back from them, jump in the car and go out to lunch myself.

So, thanks for reading, sharing and commenting. I couldn't have done it without you!

That's it. We're done.

What I know, What I learned, What I wonder

What I know . . .

My kids are pretty awesome. They took on this challenge with good humor and willing spirits. They knew (with one brief exception) that they couldn't quit, and they all muddled through, even when they didn't really want to.

I know meal planning and grocery shopping are chores we do because we have to, and only occasionally because we want to. And that these are skills that need to be learned and perfected. I know that food always costs more than you think it will, and $250, while more than many people have, doesn't go as far as you need it to.

I know that parenting is hard, and sticking to your guns when teaching your children lessons is even harder. I know that they won't always like me. I can live with that.

What I learned . . .

Eight weeks is a long time. My children aren't always nice to each other. Hungry teens are crabby teens -- I probably knew that already!

I learned that you can provide a healthy diet for years, but when teens take control, they will revert back to chips and donuts. Even when they realize they aren't feeling well, they don't make the changes needed to feel better. Teens aren't necessarily lazy, but they do like to take the easy way out.

I also learned that I like being in control of my own diet. While I'm glad we did this, I am even happier to be back in charge and planning meals myself. I was hoping the kids would learn gratitude -- and they did, but I think I also learned to be more grateful, about the resources and skills I have to work with in my kitchen.

What I wonder . . .

Have I scarred them for life? Will they be restaurant eaters as adults because the trauma of planning and cooking themselves is just too much? Will they be more grateful? And kinder? Will they remember how far to stretch a dollar?

And, of course, what can I teach them next summer?

Ahhhhhh, salad!

Yes, I did the shopping today, and I bought lots of vegetables for salad. Which I ate -- and enjoyed -- for lunch. Oh, salad, how I love you!

I also bought some snacks for the kids, some staples to replenish the larder, and, of course, pretzels and M&Ms. Cause I'm nice that way!

I have a menu planned for the whole week, too. I think Andrew must have missed my cooking a bit. Last night, he came to me, pen and paper in hand, and said, "Let's get started on planning some dinners for this week." This after he told me Saturday that he would be happy to go grocery shopping with me on Sunday.

Hmm . . . maybe this project has benefits I didn't even think about!

Restaurant meals -- Tough on a budget

Sabine headed off to camp this afternoon (Camp Needlepoint, overnight camp for kids with diabetes -- awesome!), so she was certainly not expected to make dinner for us. When she first showed me her meal plan last weekend, I noticed a restaurant meal for today.

Mom: "Sabine, I see you have us eating out on Sunday."
Sabine: "Yeah, I won't be here, and I want to treat you."
Mom: "Do you think you will have enough money for that?"
Sabine: "Sure! I will set aside $50 right at the beginning and do the rest of the shopping with $200."
Mom: "Okay, that sounds really nice, but be aware that it might not work out."
Sabine: "No, it will work, I have a plan!"

I like her confidence, but really? Who comes home to an empty refrigerator after 10 days away and can possibly refill the larder on even less than the normal budget amount? Time for another lesson . . .

After her shopping on Monday, I asked if she had enough money left:

"Oh, yes! I have $102, plus $50 for dinner out."

On Tuesday:

"Yup, no problem!"

On Wednesday:

"Mom!! I am fine! You are eating out on Sunday!!"

On Thursday:

Mom: "Sabine, do you have chicken for tonight? And lunch food? And what about tomorrow's dinner?"
Sabine: "I need to go shopping for all that. And we need milk. And Tim is hungry."
Mom: "You know, it is okay if we make pizza or something at home on Sunday."
Sabine: "But I really want you to go out!"
Mom: "Do you really think you have enough money for that?"
Sabine (sadly): "No. I'll figure out something else."

Kind of broke my heart actually, she really wanted us to not worry about cooking when she was supposed to be here doing it. Sweet girl!

Sabine's Complaints

          Too many times during this experiment I have wanted to smash something against a wall (or one of my siblings).  Fortunately I haven’t actually done it -- yet.  Many things could have gone a bit better than they did.  For one, people could have made the food last longer.  Possibly by not eating a bag of pretzels a day.  Just saying.

          But one reason the food didn’t last long was because Cross Country started on Monday, so everyone was twice as hungry this week.  Also, I had to buy three gallons of milk.  I don’t know about the eaters in the house, but personally the week will be considered a success.  All the meals were good and I didn’t run out of money.

          I think the best aspect of the experiment over all was that people bought kid food (pretzels, M+M’s . . .), as opposed to grown up food (vegetables, healthy stuff, blah, blah, blah).  All in all, I was hungry. Sorry, Mom.

Dear Sabine -- Please don't serve nachos before a race

My kids tend to workout on fairly empty stomachs, as do I. They would rather sleep as much as possible before their early workouts and just eat a little something, and I can't waste the hour after taking my thyroid medication before I can eat sitting around doing nothing. This summer, we did a fairly good job of making sure the meals that happened before the occasional evening workout or baseball game were very light -- mostly plain chicken and rice.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday, we had nachos. When Sabine planned her menu, Tim noticed the nachos for Thursday night and pointed out that there was a race that evening. It turned out that the girls didn't run the race, but both Tim and, surprisingly, the parents were scheduled to run. I suggested changing the menu, but we sort of forgot about it.

In the morning, Tim again pointed out the nachos on the meal plan, but said that if we ate by 5:00, he should be okay.

Not so much.

I don't think it really mattered to me, I was running a mile with the other parents of cross country team members and was going to be fairly miserable about it regardless (would like to be a runner, not much of a runner!). I ate some nachos, I ran the mile, I was fairly miserable. Not a big deal.

Tim, on the other hand, was running a 5K (on a track, 12.5 laps of sheer boredom), and the first thing he said after his finish (with a perfectly respectable but slower than his goal time) was, "I'm going to kill Sabine."

As the other mothers (blog readers) and I had been discussing the nachos, this ordinarily unacceptable statement was met with a round of laughter, and a chorus of, "because she served you nachos!"

I'm not sure, but I think I heard Tim growl at us.

Siblings are not helpful

Fall sports practice started on Monday, so my running teens are even more hungry than usual, and also more picky about what they are eating. Over the past few days, the refrain, "there is nothing to eat in this kitchen!" has been heard over and over again.

This morning, Sabine needs to go to the store to pick up a few things for dinner.

Sabine: "Tim, I have to go to the store, and I will buy you a snack. What do you want?"
Tim: "I don't care."
Sabine: "How about a donut?"
Tim: "I can't eat a donut on a race day!"
Sabine: "Well then, what do you want?"
Tim: "I don't care."

Sabine: "Caroline, I am going to the store, what snack do you want?"
Caroline: "I always like chips."
Sabine: "Okay."
Caroline: "But if no one else wants them, I don't need them, either."
Sabine: "So, what do you want?"
Caroline: "I don't care."

Sabine: "Mommmmm!! I am asking what they want for a snack, and they won't tell me!!"
Mom: "That is not helpful."
Sabine: "I know! So I am not buying anything!!"

That is not helpful, either, but I can't say I blame her.

What will happen when they have real jobs?

I'll admit, I have been pretty laid back about the cooking piece of this experiment. They have all done a conscientious job of planning and shopping, but the cooking piece seems to be eluding us. Not that they aren't willing or can't do it; they are all capable of putting together a meal from start to finish.

They just aren't here.

Today, Sabine had to babysit until 4:30. In the meantime, her siblings decided they should all go to a movie at 5:00. So, Sabine flew in the back door and went right out the front to the car.

Whoosh.

"Hey, guys! Do you want the baked potatoes? Guys?"
"Of course! Bake the potatoes! We'll be home after 7. Don't forget the bacon! Bye, Mom!"

Here I am, baking the potatoes. Cooking the bacon. Steaming the broccoli. Grating the cheese.

What will they do when they really are responsible for the planning, the shopping, the preparing and the cooking? And they have real jobs? In no way am I suggesting my kids are lazy or trying to avoid their responsibilities. In fact, between the four of them, they have worked this summer at a variety of things -- babysitting, lawn mowing, umpiring, gardening, cat care -- and they are out at all hours running and roller-skiing.

If I were doing this right, they would have put the crock pot to good use by now. Alas, I have shown willingness to turn on the oven, start the boiling water, grease the pan. But someday, I won't be living with them. I hope. Guess they may have to learn the daily cooking grind lesson then.

They are teens, after all. I really do want them to be able to hop in the car at the last minute and go to a movie. That they are also willing to do it together is a sign I must have done something right!

Right?

Tacos? Yes! Taco Salad? No!

Apparently, I have only one salad eater in this family. Sabine thinks salad is great, and so for her first meal this week, she chose to serve taco salad. It seems that I have three others who are taco eaters, but are not interested in taco salad.

And the difference would be . . . ?

Tim's version of a taco -- Taco shell, rice, meat, lots of cheese

Caroline's version of a taco -- Taco shell, rice, meat, cheese, lettuce

Linnea's version of a taco -- Taco shell, rice, meat, cheese, tiny bit of lettuce

Sabine's taco salad -- Lots of lettuce, tomatoes, lots of meat and beans, cheese, chips, salsa, sour cream

Okay, there's a difference.

I honestly thought Tim was going to cry when I mixed the lettuce and tomatoes into the meat and beans. And the outcry over adding salsa to the whole thing was a sight to see! I succumbed to the complainers and we added salsa and sour cream at the table, but I still think they were being ridiculous.

Tim took a pretty decent sized portion and cleaned his plate of food.

Mom: "So, Tim, not bad, is it?"
Tim (hanging his head): "No, it was good, I guess."

Score one for Sabine!

A little bit of worry and a lot of work -- by Linnea

How many of you out there have ever driven for 24 hours over the course of two days with four teenagers with fast metabolisms? Not me! Oh, and I forgot the whole gluten free thing. How could I? Being me, I like planning and I thought this would be great fun.

Well.

So, great fun. Yeah, I think I am going to have permanent lines on my forehead from this week. Thank you, Mom, for all the trips we've been on. It is a lot of work. This week, I have learned to not leave things to the last minute and to get as much stuff done ahead of time as possible. I think it was a good idea to have a restaurant meal tonight, since even getting dinner on the table last night was a challenge.

Also, if you ask, your siblings will help you.. Sometimes.

Shopping for vacation

The big trip to the grocery store to get ready for vacation was a bit of a stressful time for Linnea. She had a list and a budget, but she doesn't yet have a sense of how much things cost so she wasn't prepared for the prices of some items. She is planning on dinner out the night before we leave, and has set aside money for that as well. There were also complaints from the siblings today about a lack of lunch food and she felt bad about leaving them in the lurch.

Suddenly, her shopping needs got greater than her budget, and when I added a few items to the cart, Linnea started her muttering.

"I won't have enough money."
"Maybe I shouldn't buy so much food."
"What if people are hungry?"
"People are hungry, I need to give them more for lunch."
"I won't have enough money."
"Canola oil?? Why am I buying oil??"
"Ooohh! 2 for $6, it's a chip deal!"
"I'm not going to have enough money for dinner tomorrow."
"Mom, will you front me money if I need it?"

I went to three stores with her, and I am exhausted!

One new skill came out of this ordeal. When we finished at Cub Foods and were bagging the groceries, Linnea suddenly realized she had forgotten to give the cashier her one coupon for $1 off Chex cereal. Not surprisingly, she had a small freak out! It turns out that if you take your receipt and your forgotten coupons to customer service -- conveniently located on the way out the door -- the customer service guy will give you cash back for your coupons right there. Who knew?

It doesn't seem like a dollar would be a big deal, but every dollar counts when you are on a budget. Between that dollar and the money I gave her for the things I needed, she is all set for dinner tomorrow. Which is a relief to me, I must say. I really don't want to add cleaning up from dinner to the list of things to do before we leave!

When Costco lets you down (or saves the family from a sugar rush?)

Linnea is getting to working on acquiring her food for our trip, which will involve one breakfast, two lunches and one dinner on the road, as well as snacks in the car. She is making banana and pumpkin breads for breakfast the first day, and is very relieved that breakfast is included at the hotel on the second day of driving, as we have previous experience with breakfast food not keeping well in the car. Her lunches are sandwiches with lunch meat and cheese, and chicken salad for dinner. Add in some fruit, chips and brownies and we will be all set.

She is a big believer in having plenty of snack food to eat in the car, and doesn't want anyone to be denied their favorite snack option. The initial snack list was a little on the long side and included Reese's Peanut Butter cups, Hershey Kisses, Skittles, Swedish Fish,, Acai berries, Rice Krispie treats, Chex Muddy Buddies, veggies, fruit, pretzels and crackers and cheese.

Wow. I think I have a sugar rush just writing that!

Being Linnea, she wants to by large bags of all these things, then split them up into serving sizes to pass out for snacks, both to keep portions under control and because she just likes organizing. Thus the trip to Costco.

I don't go to Costco often, mostly for baking supplies, beans, peanut butter and toilet paper. It is not exactly conveniently located and there are many, many things I have no interest in buying. I certainly don't go in the middle of the afternoon when it is crowded, or bring all of my children. Lots of people, giant carts being driven by 10 year olds who aren't paying attention, and all four of my children talking at once. Not my idea of a good time.

I went today. Linnea needed to go, and asking her to wait for a better time means that she will obsess over when we go until it is just easier to get it done. So, off we went, and Costco let her down.

She must have thought that Costco just has giant bags of everything you want on exactly the day you want them. It doesn't. Giant bags of Acai berries? Check. Giant bags of every kind of candy known to man? Not so much. Big boxes of Chex cereals? That would be no. Gluten free Rice Krispies? Also no.

We left there with fruit snacks and popcorn, neither of which were on her original list, and a very worried Linnea wondering how many other stores she will need to shop at and how she will ever satisfy her snack eating customers. I, on the other hand, could not be happier about eliminating so much sugar from a 24 hour car ride.

What kind of candy does Costco have in a large bag? M&Ms, of course. Which we did buy, but weren't on the list.

Wait, M&Ms weren't on the list? What?

Linnea's Charlie Brown Life

Since she was little, Linnea has often seemed like the Charlie Brown of our family. If the kids got four equal toys, hers would break first; her sisters have always had beautiful long hair, hers has never grown easily; she got glasses at age one, the others have perfect vision. It would make sense, then, that in our little project, if there was to be a week that was more complicated, she would get it.

And she has.

We are headed out of town for vacation on Friday. Initially, Linnea was excited about it being her week, "Great! I get to plan all the snacks and food for the trip!" She had it all laid out, how much money to spend on trip food, how much to buy for the four days at home, and even an allotment for takeout the night before we leave. She also thought through making sure the fridge is empty of perishables by Friday. It all seemed so easy.

Now, Monday, the first day of the week has arrived. Suddenly, not so easy.

Yesterday, I started hearing worry noises. "I don't want to spend too much tomorrow." "What do I really need to get?" "This is going to be really hard." And then today . . . "I shouldn't have gotten those snacks, I used too much money." "I didn't get what Tim likes, he's going to be hungry." "Oh, I forgot to get salad stuff for Mom."

In the car on the way to the store (again), she kept telling me how much she has to do, and how worried she is that people will go hungry in our 24 hours in the car. I think she is actually planning to overfeed us! I am going to help her by sitting down tomorrow morning with her to make a very specific list of what she is responsible for, when to make things and what to buy. On the one hand, it seems unfair that she gets this week, on the other, I'm not sure any of the other three are organized enough to pull it off.

I am going to keep thinking of this week as a unique opportunity for Linnea to use her mad skills, and not as another Charlie Brown moment. I'm also going to make sure her little duck legs don't go too crazy, paddling under the surface.

Dear Blog, with love from Caroline

Dear Blog,

                So Mom told me to write about this process and what I learned. I don’t really know what to write about.

                The process is fine except for the part where people eat the food I buy and then want me to buy more. And the part where I have to actually cook. I learned that I don’t much like cooking. We come to a dilemma when one considers how much I like eating. The actual budgeting and lists and stores and stuff were fine. That was easy. But I just don’t like making food into something  we can eat.

               Another piece that made me more empathetic toward Mom was how ungrateful people are. They don’t appreciate that I made an effort to purchase and prepare the food. And they’ve all done this, too, so I thought maybe they’d be a little more appreciative this time around. It didn’t make me want to continue making the effort. I will certainly be more grateful now that I know how hard it is. From now on, I resolve to avoid the kitchen at all costs unless I’m baking brownies for my teammates.

                                               Thanks for listening to my rant!

                                                                Caroline, survivor of the Crazy Grocery Thing

What's for dinner?

This afternoon, Caroline had an extensive conversation (mostly with herself!) about what to have for dinner.

Mom: "It looks like pancakes are on the menu, can we talk that through a little?"
Caroline: "What do you mean?"
Mom: "Well, not everyone will be here, so how big a batch should you make? And we have bacon, but sausage is a lot more substantial, have you thought about serving that? And are we having anything else? Maybe fruit?"
Caroline: "Oh, okay. I don't know. Do I want to make pancakes? I'm not sure I want to. And I definitely don't want to make chicken salad, that's too much work. What are we going to have?"
Mom: "I don't know. You are in charge."
Caroline: "Oh, dear, what should we have? I don't know."

pause

Caroline: "We can have nachos! That's what I'll make!"
Mom: "Sounds good."

pause

Caroline (crestfallen): "But we don't have any ground beef."
Mom: "You didn't buy the ground beef this morning?"
Caroline: "Mom, we were running late, and I had to be somewhere at 9:30!" (They walked in the door at 9:10, the store is on the way home, and the babysitting job is around the corner, but I digress.)
Mom: "We can go get ground beef."
Caroline: "No. Yes. No. I don't know."

pause

Caroline (beaming): "I will use the chicken for the chicken salad and we will have chicken nachos!"
Mom: "Sounds like a great solution."
Caroline: "Uh, how do I cook the chicken?"

Later . . .

Mom: "So, now are you just switching up the meals? Pancakes another night? You can buy more chicken."
Caroline: "Nope. I'm going to be like Tim.
Mom: "As in?"
Caroline: "You say, 'Hey, Tim, what's for dinner? And he says, 'No idea.' and you say, 'Tim! It's 5:00!!'"

Great.

Um, how do you order pizza?

Who knew? Apparently it's a skill that needs to be mastered. As promised, Caroline chose to order pizza for dinner.

Caroline: "Mom? When do we order the pizza?"
Mom: "Ask your father, I'm not helping you order gluten pizza!"
Caroline: "Dad? How do I order the pizza?"
Dad: "Do you have the number?"
Caroline: "Noooooooo!"
Dad: "Well, you need the number."
Caroline: "Do you have it?"

Naturally, he does, although we never order pizza, so I am not clear on why.

Caroline(dialing): "Mom? What do I say?"
Mom: "Hi, I'd like to order pizza for pickup."
Caroline(nervously): "Hi? I'd like to order pizza for pickup?"

Caroline: "Ummm, one cheese and one with sausage?"

Caroline: "Ummm, Caroline?

Caroline: "Okay. Bye?"

Caroline: "Whew."

My favorite part was when she had to think about her own name . . .

Cooking with Kids

Well.

Caroline is a baker, and not a cook. I did not know this.

Actually, I knew she was a baker (Best Cookies award on the cross country team four years in a row!) and I know that baking and cooking do not always go together, but her cooking challenges have surprised me. Equally surprising is that Tim, who spends as little time in the kitchen as possible, is able to plan out how to make a meal and do prep ahead of time, while also asking intelligent questions of his parental assistants.

Yesterday, we discovered that Caroline can't melt butter and grate cheese at the same time. She also doesn't know how to ask for help in such a way that people are very willing -- she kept asking someone to grate the cheese while she herself was sitting in a chair in the living room. Needless to say, no one was very enthusiastic!

And today, this . . .

Mom: "For your risotto, you will need chopped onions and mushrooms, grated Parmesan, chicken broth and rice."

Caroline: "Okay."
Mom: "Is there anything you think you should do first, before you start cooking?"

Caroline: "Measure the rice?"

Mom: "Okay . . . anything else?"

Caroline: "I don't know!!" 

Really? Can't think of anything? Anything at all? Measuring the rice is certainly a key step, but maybe she could do a few more things before standing over the pan, stirring the risotto. Maybe. Not sure where the sense of panic comes from, but she does seem challenged by multitasking. And the grater.

Tomorrow, she is ordering pizza.

Caroline and Week Two

Based on the panic attacks and stress of the first time around, I am guessing that Caroline might not be that excited about her second week of responsibilities. I asked her about her plans over the weekend, and got "Nope, no plans" as her response. Then this morning, I suggested she might want to make a list before going to the store. "Why do I have to make a list? Tim doesn't make a list!!" Yeah, and that works out so well.

In the car on the way home from the store, Caroline was very annoyed with the process of grocery shopping:

"We were in line for 15 minutes! We got behind these people who couldn't decide if they wanted to buy everything they picked out."

"Why do they have 15 checkout lines if they are only going to open 2?"

"There was this couple shopping, totally disgusting PDA all over the store. Gross!"

That was my favorite, actually. Andrew and I have never been able to understand couples wandering through the grocery store with their arms around each other. If we tried that, I am sure one of us would get run over by the cart! I suppose it is a cheap date . . .

Anyway, Caroline is cooking pasta with shrimp and Alfredo for dinner and does have a menu plan for the rest of the week. She has carefully labeled her snack bags, and Tim is already complaining that, you guessed it, "she isn't buying any chips I like!"

Ahhh, sweet revenge!

Deep Thoughts from Tim

          I find this entire project to be an interesting experience that is really good at upsetting people in various ways.  I appreciate the idea and have even enjoyed myself at some points however there are many cases of angry children.  While most of my frustrations were due to exhaustion and the fact that I simply didn’t want to go to the store anymore, other siblings problems included one who “quit” and another who was continually messed with for not providing a side dish.

          Of course it is easy to harsh on a project which you didn’t sign up for and then couldn’t opt out of, but all in all it has been fine.  In some ways it is pretty fun to be in control, even if it brings out the mocking tendencies in your family.  It’s been a nice experience, but I am glad to be the first one done after this Sunday is past us.  I’m sure most of you have had a few laughs at my expense, but that is okay because I have had a few as well.  It’s good stuff I’d say. 

In which Tim learns another lesson

The initial idea was that in the first week, the child in charge would plan the dinners, budget and shop, and assist in the cooking but only be fully responsible for preparing one dinner. In the second week, all dinner preparation was to be facilitated by the shopper, with assistance from others if requested.

Unfortunately, Tim's second week fell during MLB All Star Weekend and he had been given tickets to attend all the events as his 16th birthday gift. That meant he missed dinners on Monday and Tuesday and wasn't here to cook anything. Being as I am not an ogre, I simply took the plan he laid out and we cooked without him. I contemplated having him use the crock pot, but that seems like a winter comfort food tool that lacks appeal in mid-July.

We were out for dinner on Wednesday as well, at a work function for Andrew, so tonight was the first evening where Tim had to cook dinner himself. The menu was straightforward, beef and bean nachos; easy to prepare and a favorite of everyone -- probably why he put it on the menu.

All the ingredients were procured, instructions given for the recipe, and the time determined to serve the meal. Time headed off to the kitchen with plenty of time to prepare dinner.

And then . . . Tim returned to the living room, looking pathetic . . .

Mom: "What's the matter?"
Tim: "How am I supposed to cook in there?"
Mom: "Because . . ."
Tim: " It's a mess!"
Mom: "Right. You guys don't clean up."
Tim: "But I can't cook in a mess!"
Mom: "I feel like this is something I say every night!"

Remember how the job of feeding the family is overwhelming, annoying and time consuming? Here is yet another reason! Our kitchen is small (fabulously remodeled last year, but still small) and this year, I have not assigned dish duty to one child per week as I have done in past summers. So, if no one is responsible, then no one is responsible. I have been observing how they don't put dishes in the dishwasher or throw away trash. Now, suddenly, Tim is noticing that part of being able to provide a meal is having a clean space in which to prepare it.

I don't know what will happen now. Will he do better himself throughout the day? Will he nag his sisters? Will he help them out with kitchen clean up when it is their turn? I know that if my kitchen were pristine every night when it was time to cook, it would make the job ever so much easier. Tim seems to be learning that quickly as well.

Nagging hasn't worked for me so far, but maybe he should give it a try.

New (and Improved?) Ground Rules

Now, if only they will follow the new rules. Which do involve vegetables and more cooking. And kindness. And lunch.

1) I need salad. You may not like it, and you don't have to eat it, but I need salad. And you should learn to like it, it's good for you.

2) Vegetables. Serve them. The garden is now producing beans, kale and spinach. Use them in good health!

3) Drink milk. Crystal Light is not a nourishing, muscle-building recovery food.

4) Lunch is an actual meal, for which we need actual food. Turkey and roast beef are great, but they go better with bread.

5) Cook. Bake.

6) Please do not buy as many snacks. I appreciate a good deal as much as the next person, but chips, pretzels and M&Ms fall into the same category as Crystal Light. Plus (and now I get to be selfish), if chips are here, I will eat them. I don't want to eat them. Or, I don't want to want to eat them. Or something like that. Although, if all the chip bags are labeled "Tomorrow," I am probably safe.

7) Each child will write a guest entry at the end of the week he/she shops. Your fans want to hear from you. And a little academic effort over the summer won't go to waste.

8) Have a good attitude, both when it is your turn and when it isn't. We are almost done, you can do this!

It's Tim Time Again!

Here we go! After a chat yesterday morning, Tim headed off to the store with Linnea, where he spent a little more than last time ($109) and came home with a few higher quality calories. He skipped the chip deal and bought carrots, bananas, salad greens and garlic. He even left all the donuts in the bakery case! There was a plan for lunch (chicken nachos) and turkey for sandwiches tomorrow.

Looking good so far, but . . .

Mom: "What is your plan for dinner?"
Tim: "Yeah, I'm not going to be here, so you can choose."
Mom: "From what?"
Tim: "Well, I got some chicken. Or you can have pasta."
Mom: "That's the plan?"
Tim: "Yeah. And I'm not going to be here tomorrow, so then you can have the other one."
Mom: "Did you get potatoes?"
Tim: "Nope, forgot those."
Mom: "Seriously?"
Tim: "Yeah. Sorry about that."

The best part about the beginning of Tim's week are the "Bags of paradox" that Andrew wrote about last night. It turns out that, while he respects the Sharpie labels on the snacks, Tim thinks they are a bit ridiculous. He decided to label things "tomorrow" and "not today" just to annoy his sisters. It's working. And the bags are still closed.

I really want some M&Ms . . .

Bags of paradox (Guest post by Andrew)

As usual I was a bit hungry after getting home from work on Monday, especially since I rode my bike through a rain squall.  During this food experiment, our weekly coordinators write on bags of snacks with a sharpie.  We all respect the WEDNESDAY potato chips, the SATURDAY tortilla chips, and so on.  

Anyway, I looked around the kitchen and saw some Tostitos, picked them up and saw TOMORROW written on them.  I thought about it for a second and then found it funny, thinking, “Wow. If you take it literally, this bag can never be opened.”  I reported this to Anneke and said, “I’ve got my topic for my guest entry.  The TOMORROW bag that can never be opened.”  

I went back to the kitchen and spied a big bag of M and M’s on the second shelf.  It wasn’t open.  Darn.  I took it down and looked at it, and sure enough, it had NOT TODAY written on it.

We're halfway there!

Several people, including the children, think that perhaps one week each of grocery shopping is enough of an opportunity to learn some valuable lessons. I'll admit, I'm pretty tired of the project at this point, but am looking forward to some renewed energy (and some updated ground rules) as we start the cycle again. They will all be taking another turn, because I really do believe they need to make changes to their own systems while they can still remember the first time around.

So, what have I learned so far?

I've learned that grocery shopping and planning is overwhelming, annoying and time consuming no matter who is doing it. That just demonstrating the process week after week to the children is not enough to give them the skills they need to hit the ground running themselves. And that, given opportunity and guidance, teens can take on a large project and be successful, even if the measure of that success is different for each of them.

Each one of them has taken on the project willingly and stuck with it all week -- Caroline's brief desire to quit notwithstanding. While there was a range of success with the planning and the level of balance with each meal, they did make a plan and kept slogging through the daily grind. I do think they could all have been kinder to each other when the larder was not as full of choices as they wanted, but hopefully that is an area that will improve the second time through.

There are some days I think starting this project was craziness, and other days it seems like a stroke of brilliance. Today feels pretty good, but we'll have to see what tomorrow brings -- you never know what Tim's grocery cart will look like!

From 6 to 4, it's harder than you think

Yesterday, we thought having some people at camp would make the shopping and meal planning easier, fewer people means less work, right? Well, not exactly.

We eat dinner together as a family every night. The timing is often fluid to make sure we are together; I once asked a babysitting client if we could move the regular weekly job to 5:30 from 5:00 so we could eat first (the mother said yes). One of the reasons I came up with this plan was because it is a never ending job to plan and prepare dinner for six people every single night, and I wanted some help and ownership from the rest of the family. Clearly, the kids have gotten the message about what a tough job it is, now we just have to work on techniques to do it well.

So, back to Sabine's plan. I don't know if it is my fault, or if she is not as skilled a planner as one might want, but it has been quite a struggle today to plan dinner for only a portion of a family. As we look ahead to tomorrow and Sunday, the two girls will still be at camp and Tim will be spending much of his time at the MLB All Star events in Minneapolis. I just can't bring myself to get excited about dinner for half the family, and Sabine doesn't seem to care that much either. She has good ideas, but neither one of us (or Andrew, for that matter) can get up the energy to make it happen. I'm sure we won't end up with takeout -- she only has $40 left -- but it certainly won't be anything fancy for just the three of us.

Funny how yesterday it seemed like a good thing to lower the numbers, and today it seems like a challenge we don't want to meet.

I wonder what this means for our future days as empty nesters? Potato chips for dinner in front of the television?

Ah, the joys of summer camp!

And it isn't what you think! Now, I hear summer camp is a fabulous adventure -- I wouldn't know as I never actually went. (Mom, when you read this, I am not complaining, it is simply a fact that is relevant to this post!) Swimming, bugs, nature, camp food, hot nights sleeping in bunk beds; a right of passage. I am sure the girls I dropped off this afternoon for the weekend away will have a great time.

However . . .

Sabine could not be more delighted to have them out of her hair and not eating (or complaining about) her food choices! She now has four days of feeding a smaller number of people, and she gets to buy food with gluten for Tim. She'll eat it, too, but only if she moves fast. Tim is an easy customer, he is mostly interested in quantity, and Oreo cookies can still be had in a decent sized package for a way cheaper price than similar GF cookies. Linnea stretched her budget by baking, Sabine stretches hers with fairly inexpensive store bought cookies.

I am sure Caroline and Linnea are equally happy to have access to the food provided at their running camp. From experience, they know that it will be plentiful and frequent, with no labels on the bags saying, "Don't eat before Sunday!" What a change from the past few weeks.

I have to be honest, I'll miss the campers, but I won't be missing the complaints or the pitiful faces when the M&Ms are gone.

More Free Bagels

Free is good. Free bagels are filling for three of the four children. We like free. As July is a new month, Sabine got to take advantage of our free bagels for a year card, which helps out her breakfast and lunch menu, and keeps down the complaining.

At this point, Sabine has about $93 left, and didn't need to shop today. She has plans for a shopping trip on Friday ($5 rotisserie chickens), and may need to stop there tomorrow as well. Her meal plan looks better for the next few days, and she has laid out a list of bread starters that she needs me to make for her. Tonight I offered her tilapia from the freezer and kale from the garden, so we had a downright elegant meal. I can tell that it is harder for her to plan than it has been for the others. She is only 12, after all! I am doing a little bit more directing with her this week, but it seems to be going pretty well.

Based on yesterday's Facebook comments, it sounds like this project ranges from inspiring to intimidating. Some readers are rooting for Mom to keep going and add more rules, while other people are hoping for the kids to either be done or to get even more free rein than they already have. From "another week please" and "I vote for another circuit" to "I think they have learned their lesson," it seems that our fans have lots of opinions and suggestions. Since I am flying by the seat of my pants here, keep all the good ideas coming!

I can tell you, for sure, that we are doing another round. I always intended the first week to be an opportunity to make mistakes, and week two to be a chance to improve. I am not expecting any miracles, but I am expecting some vegetables.

Besides, if we get to August, someone will get another chance at the free bagels!

What? No potatoes?

Personality differences and quirks are certainly coming out during this project! It never occurred to me that since Sabine doesn't like potatoes, she might not buy potatoes. Huh. Imagine my surprise when I looked in the potato bin this afternoon to find it empty. What? No potatoes? We are never out of potatoes.

Enter the Sabine factor. She doesn't like potatoes. Eats them, doesn't complain, but not her favorite. It doesn't bug me, really. Since she is a Type 1 Diabetic, avoiding carbs is a good thing; one or two small boiled potatoes on her plate is far preferable to a giant pile of mashed. But . . . the rest of us eat potatoes. Often. Kind of a food group for us.

Not for her!

Mom: "Sabine? Did you buy potatoes?"

Sabine: "No. Why would I buy potatoes?"

Mom: "Because we don't have any."

Sabine: "Oh."

Mom: "So, what are we having for dinner with the chicken?"

Sabine: "I dunno."

Mom: "Tim, when Sabine gets home from babysitting, please take her to the store."

Tim: "Why do I have to do it?"

Mom: "Because I am not leaving this house again today!" (I'll spare you the long story about that!)

Crisis averted. Or not . . .

I thought Sabine would be home at 4:00, but instead she got home at 5:00. There is no way she could get home at 5:00, go to the store with her brother to buy the potatoes, come home and have them in the pot and cooked for dinner at 5:30. Never going to happen. This was one of those days that the timing of dinner was not negotiable, as my runners need to digest before the evening team workout, and I couldn't go get the potatoes myself because Sabine has the money. Plus, I wasn't leaving the house again today, remember?

So, tonight's Nearly Meal (a term we use to refer to a dinner that is nearly a meal, but is missing a major food group or is lacking in sufficient quantities to satisfy everyone) consisted of homemade chicken nuggets and beans. Tasty, and exciting to eat beans from the garden, but not quite a meal.

Well, at least we had a vegetable.

Not gonna lie, little nervous about this week!

Sabine is the last one to take her first turn at groceries. She is a delightful, very intelligent 12 year old, who has, unfortunately, been in a bit of a spacey phase for the past six months. While she did do some planning in the last week or so, and even looked at the coupons in the paper, when it came time to actually do her shopping today she had a few issues.

She forgot what the deals were. She forgot the coupons. She did have a list, but forgot to write down most of the items. She didn't think about lunch.

I will own a bit of mis-communication that prevented us from having bread for lunch -- Sabine wasn't clear on what she needed, but I didn't ask the right questions either. She seems to be taking the Tim track, where she has what is on the menu for today, and maybe tomorrow, but I think more trips to the store will be required to feed us on Wednesday.

Sabine is pretty tired this summer, and I know how much energy it takes to get the shopping done. I hope she can muddle through without too much strife, but I am hearing complaints already this afternoon. Her big advantage over her siblings is that two of them leave for camp on Thursday, so she only has to stretch the budget for four people at the end of the week. Bonus! The garden is also starting to produce, in the next few days we will have beans to serve for dinner.

A vegetable. A summertime miracle. And she bought me some things to make a salad. On second thought, maybe we will be fine!

Okay, kids, let's talk about lunch!

Lunch. The downfall of my shoppers.

Caroline: "Hey, Linnea, what is there for lunch?"
Linnea: "Ummmm, there's banana bread."
Caroline: "Banana bread? Who do you think you are talking to!" (Caroline does not care for bananas, at all!)
Linnea: "Ummmm, there's a couple of hamburger buns . . ."

Caroline is eating a bowl of cereal.

Linnea: "Mom? I don't have any food for people for lunch."
Mom: "I know."
Linnea: "I guess I'll have to get on my bike and go get something . . ."
Mom: "Like what?"
Linnea: "I don't knowwwwww!"

I saw this coming a couple of days ago, as people seemed to be grazing around lunchtime, instead of eating real food. Then yesterday, Linnea decided (at noon) to make tortillas for pizzas, using red sauce we had in the fridge and the last of the cheese. Nearly two hours later, we had lunch. Today, there isn't much available. Tomorrow will be a problem!

It seems that my years of making quality lunches when they were toddlers and during the summers of their elementary and middle school years has spoiled these children. I don't think they realize that lunch for a family, seven days a week, takes a considerable amount of food. We can easily use up a loaf of bread, a half pound of lunchmeat, cheese, several apples, a bag of chips and a half gallon of milk if we all have a healthy balanced meal. Even with other options, like peanut butter, or cheesy chips with chicken, or tortilla pizzas, lunch takes food and the time to put it together.

In the first three weeks, my lunch grazers have not been satisfied with what is available, and then end up eating too much of what would otherwise be snacks for several days. No wonder Caroline and Linnea are labeling things!

When we have our mid-project discussion at the end of next week, lunch choices will definitely be on the menu!

And Mom has a meltdown . . .

Well, it was bound to happen sometime. I know you've all been waiting for it, and I'm a bit surprised it didn't happen sooner. In the perfect storm of life, lots of factors came together today to cause me to lose it, including those things that shorten a mom's temper before she even gets a chance to deal with the children. I blame it on several nights of terrible sleep (I do not function well when my sleep gets interrupted!), but I'm going out on a limb here to suggest that it might have just a little something to do with whining. Whining children. Who I would call whining teens, but the maturity level was a little suspect today.

To begin with, Linnea has these big baking plans, but her life is not making it possible for her to do everything she wants to get done. She is also a perfectionist, who starts in on a recipe and proceeds to check and double check each step. With me. Even when I am involved with something else. So this afternoon she had a short amount of time, a lot of tasks, a lot of questions and a messy kitchen. Which got messier. Which would be fine, if it got cleaned up. It didn't.

Then, Sabine came home to discover that, "All the pretzels are gone? Again?" There were tears. Neither Linnea nor Sabine put their best foot forward when dealing with that crisis. There was bickering. And whining.

I  might have told them to stop speaking. Forever. Especially to each other.

Finally, I figured out that in order to have our usual family dinner, we would have to eat at 4:30 (never going to happen) or 7:30. Okay, leaving Tim out of family dinner (when you're gone for 4 hours over dinnertime, really, what am I supposed to do?), we can eat at 5:30. Perfect. Except . . . Caroline can't eat dairy before running. "Baked mac&cheese? I can't eat that and then do a hill workout!" So, 7:30 it is.

And, guess who's cooking? That would be me.

Somewhere between Sabine's tears; Linnea's 101 questions about measuring spoons; Caroline hoping to avoid kitchen clean-up, running and having a good attitude; and Tim needing the car (and directions, "can you Mapquest it, Mom?") Mom lost it.

Today, this project is hard. This life is hard. Parenting is hard. And I didn't put my best foot forward. As Mr. Slinger says in the picture book Lily's Purple Plastic Purse, "Today was a difficult day. Tomorrow will be better." I hope he's right!

Oh, and remember Linnea's double checking of her recipes and asking me all the questions? Guess who didn't double check her recipe and forgot to add the lemon juice to her lemon poppyseed bread?

Yeah. That would also be me.

The Gluten Free Shopper Stretches Her Budget

As you have figured out by now, we eat gluten free in our house, not by choice, as two of us have Celiac disease. This week's shopper, Linnea, and I were diagnosed about five years ago, and it did not take long to figure out that trying to keep a partially GF kitchen, making separate meals for two out of six people, was never going to work. So, with very few exceptions (free bagels), gluten does not enter the kitchen.

Gluten free food is expensive, and much of it does not taste great. To make matters worse, I grew up in a family of bakers (my parents own a B&B), so the difference between homemade baked goods and breads with gluten and the store bought items without gluten is incredible to me. About a year or so after our diagnosis, I came across a blog called Gluten Free on a Shoestring which has allowed me to embrace GF baking that tastes really good. I have all the related cookbooks and the blog is the first page I visit after checking my email in the mornings; it has truly changed our lives.

So, back to Linnea. With her now $28, she needs to stretch her budget as much as possible, and really wants to keep the complaining to a minimum. She is the child in the family who most likes to bake, and her schedule has breads, cookies and other snacks on her to do list every day. So far, I have put together two bread starters at her request, she has frozen cookie dough balls ready for baking at anytime, a batch of protein bars in the fridge, and the ingredients for many other items. She has big plans!

Naturally, there is a catch. Plans on paper never quite work out in reality . . .

If Linnea could spend all day in the kitchen baking, everything would be fine. If she could sleep as late as she wanted each day and be totally rested, everything would be fine. If she didn't run, roller ski and babysit daily, everything would be fine. If she had no friends, everything would be fine.

Everything is not fine.

Linnea is discovering, as we adults all know, that having a life gets in the way of plans. I can hear her muttering about what to make for snacks and desserts, and I watch as the time ticks away in her day, and she starts to mutter even more about how she needs to get this done or that made. I am walking a fine line between wanting her to do this project her way and making sure she does not overwhelm herself with the stress of her plans needing some flexibility. Flexibility is not Linnea's strong suit!

Today was not a good day for her to bake, but tomorrow should be better. I plan to jump in there and give her a hand, partly to keep her from getting out of control, but also because, let's be honest, I love cookies.

Things are going pretty well . . . for a Tuesday!

The only shopping done today was purchasing ground beef for the 4th of July burgers later in the week. As I am extremely picky about our ground beef, this required a stop at an out of the way co-op (again chauffeured by Tim) and a precious $6.00. Linnea has a lot of food from yesterday's extravaganza of grocery buying, but her nerves seem to be suffering a bit. There has been a lot of muttering:

"I should have bought bigger potatoes"
"I didn't make enough food"
"People are going to be hungry"
"Nobody likes it."

The dinner menu was loaded baked potatoes (Tim served these, too, why didn't I think of that?), and was absolutely delicious, enough food, and well received by her target audience. Not only that, it even included all the food groups. Go, broccoli!

I have noticed that Linnea is extremely tired. While she hasn't had any verbal meltdowns -- yet -- she is probably thinking constantly about doing a good job and is wearing out her brain. Each time she gets asked about future meals, she starts answering the question by talking through her entire plan.

"We're going to have pasta, with Alfredo, and peas, did I buy the peas? I did. Is there enough cream? Mom? Did you say there is enough? There is? Okay. And baguettes. Mom. You need to make the dough for that. On Wednesday. Can you make it Wednesday? Okay."

So, a much smoother Tuesday than we have had, but I think we are living with a duck right now. Smooth on the surface, paddling like crazy underneath!

13 hours in, already panicking!

At her grocery store visit this afternoon, Linnea spent $206. Her chauffeur, Tim, reported back that she started panicking over money somewhere in the gluten free cereal aisle. She actually has $52 left, as I reimbursed her for a couple of baking items, and Tim had paid for his own donuts. Since arriving home, she has bounced around the kitchen, alternating between using her Sharpie on the chips and pretzels, and saying, "I'm a failure, I'm never going to make it, I bought too much, there is nothing to eat."

I believe I also heard her say, "Do NOT ask me what is for dinner!!"

She has made good use of our chest freezer, putting several things away for later in the week (also labeled), and is planning to cut up fruit so it is ready for people to eat. "Mom, I think people are just too lazy to bother with fixing the fruit." No kidding.

In between labeling, making some lunch and putting groceries away, I think she wore herself out. She was heard to say, "I need a break!" several times, and has now put herself to bed.

I hope she wakes up in time to make the dinner . . .

One person's week ends, the next one begins

Caroline headed off the the grocery store this morning with her last $31 (maybe $32, I think she has some change), vowing to "spend it all!" Besides the brats and hot dogs for dinner, she was picking up chips and ice cream, so I think all the vital food groups were covered.

At this point, she seems thoroughly disgusted by the project, or perhaps just disgusted by the complaints she has heard throughout the week. When asked what she might do differently next time, she said, "I'll spend $50 on snack food right away, then they won't have anything to complain about." Good luck with that, I'm sure there will be complaining!

I think that Caroline's week was fairly successful from a food and financial perspective, but her attitude was definitely affected by the people around her. Besides the stress she placed on herself to not run out of money, she allowed the comments of others to really irritate her. Anyone grow up with an older brother? Can you guess what Tim did when faced with her reactions to his teasing? Yup. That's what he did. This, in turn, led me to practice many moments of deep breathing, as my own goal for personal growth this summer is to not over-react to my teens. Besides the meltdown on Tuesday, there were several other times when I was ready to throw in the towel on the whole project!

Linnea is ready to go for her week, and plans to be the most successful of the bunch so far. The dining room table is covered with lists and charts, coupons and plans. It sounds like she will spend the bulk of her money on Monday, and then bake like crazy every day. I hope it cools off a bit, as we don't have air-conditioning and she has hours of oven time planned for each day!

While she looks pretty even-keeled about the project at the moment, she has already her own moment of crisis. After Caroline came home from the store with her chips and ice cream, Linnea came to me in a panic:

Linnea: "Mom, Mom, Mom! She used my deals!"
Mom: "Whaaat?"
Linnea: "Caroline used my deals!!"
Mom: "What are you talking about?"
Linnea: "The deals! From the paper! I was going to get the ice cream deal and the 3/$6 chips, and SHE BOUGHT THEM TODAY!"
Mom: "Um, can't you still get them tomorrow?"
Linnea (stopped in her tracks): "Really? We can have six bags of chips in the house?"
Mom: "Well, I don't think we'll have six bags of chips for very long . . ."

We won't, one bag didn't make it through lunch.

Storm front coming

There are many reasons why Linnea's upcoming week could be fabulous, but there are also several reasons why it could be a disaster.

Fabulous first. Linnea is extremely organized, loves list making and planning. She has been contemplating her meals and coming up with ideas to both have enough snacks and to keep people from eating them too fast. The latest I've heard involves separating servings of snacks into individual baggies -- I remember doing this once when the kids were little. It was successful, but a lot of work. Linnea is not afraid of work!

She is also a natural at budgeting. For years, she has been dividing her earnings into money she can use and her "Life" fund. I think she may be ready to buy a house by the time she is 21! I am expecting some use of coupons as well. Linnea has watched a few episodes of Extreme Couponing, and finds the idea of getting something for nothing to be quite delightful. (Likes most of us, however, she hasn't quite figured out why it might be necessary to own 100 tubes of toothpaste, even if it was $0.10 per tube!)

Here's the problem. Linnea is also a pleaser. I fully expect her response to complaints about a lack of food to be, "oh, I'm sorry! What can I get for you?" At which point, she will hop on her bike and be off to make sure everyone is happy. Too many trips like that and she will be broke by Thursday. Please understand, I don't think her generosity is a bad trait, I just worry that her need to keep people happy may backfire in this case. Leading to the next problem . . .

If Linnea is the first one to run out of money (Caroline has $31 left with two days to go), she will be devastated. She will both feel like a failure and worry that we will all be hungry for the remaining days. I can see this project being the topic of lifelong therapy sessions! Of the four children, I go into Linnea's week with the most trepidation, while also imagining great success, as I know how much she loves to cook and bake. This may be the week that we do eat muffins and cookies for dinner, or at least dessert, because I know Linnea will keep us fully supplied!

Let's all hope that Linnea's excitement can overcome her natural anxiety, otherwise there may be some tough days next week!

The battle continues . . .

Remember the pretzels that said, "DON'T OPEN UNTIL THURSDAY!" from Caroline's Monday shopping trip? They've been opened, and were eaten in about 14 minutes. Unfortunately for the eaters, Caroline was at the store at the time and didn't know they were being consumed. She didn't buy any more, and now there are none.

I'm sure pretzels are off future lists, as she is down to $47 and needs to save up for two $5 chickens tomorrow, and brats, hot dogs and buns for Sunday. You know she is worried that $47 won't be enough for that list! Frankly, I'm not even sure the chickens will make the cut.

It seems like the kids are noticing how hard it is to have good food available that everyone likes, all the time. Tim says we have no protein, even though there is turkey, peanut butter and plenty of eggs. Apparently, "I don't like . . ." is now synonymous with "we don't have." The limitations on snack food have made for some battles over portion size and some unexpected defending of siblings -- "Tim did not eat the WHOLE bag, I had a few with my lunch. Stop picking on him!" Go Linnea! This is, of course, in reference to the aforementioned pretzels. (Also in defense of Tim, the gluten free pretzels we buy come in an 8 oz. bag, not the giant bags of regular pretzels that most people get. It is pretty easy to mow down these bags in no time at all.)

I think Caroline is going to make it through her week, both with a little money to spare but also with a little better understanding of how tough this is. Her mood is much improved from Tuesday, but she is counting down the minutes to Sunday night. And, she still has her worry mark, right between the eyes!

What is it about Tuesdays?

Last week, Tim got to Tuesday afternoon, day two of his week, and started telling me how this was too hard and he didn't want to do it. This week, Caroline got to Tuesday afternoon and she actually did quit! Threw the money at me, yelled, "I QUIT!!" and stormed up to her room, with a door slam for good measure.

What is it about Tuesdays?

Now, I know you would love to read all the details about Caroline's meltdown, and I really wish I could tell you. But I can't. I promised. One of the tearful moments involved her saying, "and now you are going to blog about me!" And I said I wouldn't do that. Those of you who were teenage girls, have teenage daughters or have ever met any teenagers at all can let your imagination run wild. I'm sure whatever you come up with will be right on the money!

I can, however, talk about Tuesdays.

In fairness to Tuesday, it might be the fact that it is the second day of the budget week here. If we started on Sunday, maybe Monday would be the problem. I have to say, though, that I hate Tuesday as much as Tim and Caroline seem to, and if I am going to punt on cooking, that will be the day. I think they both felt like the five days stretching ahead of Tuesday were interminable, and feeding us for the whole rest of the week really was too much for them. I will be interested to see if the pattern continues next week with Linnea.

Not to worry, I'm not falling for the sad faces, the money tossing or the door slamming! The cash has returned to Caroline's wallet, and she is still on for this week. I can't figure out why, but she has chosen to put off her next trip to the store until tomorrow -- maybe she just needs to get a little farther through the week before spending again. Her budget, her rules.

By the way, she opened up the bag of chips today! I haven't checked, but I am sure they are probably almost gone . . .

The Good, the Bad, and the Anxiety

The Good

If someone did a survey of how people do their grocery shopping, I'm sure there would a vast number of methods. Caroline chose to do a large shopping trip early in the week, with plans to get a few things here and there as she needs to. I'm a big fan of this method myself, and even more so after hearing Tim complain all week about his more European style of shopping everyday. So Caroline has a firm plan, and we have lots of food in the house.

The Bad

Caroline is bossy. There are numerous bags in the cabinet labeled "DON'T OPEN UNTIL THURSDAY!" As you might imagine, Caroline and Tim have already had a dust up as to whether or not he is going to follow her policy. She also headed off to the store with a comprehensive list in hand; however, when I met her at the car, she was quite annoyed with me. "Mother, you wrote on my list in the wrong color ink!" Okaaayyyy.

The Anxiety

Here's where things get interesting. I have long been under the impression, and those who know her will probably agree, that Caroline is basically an even-keeled person. While she does have the occasional meltdown, most of those are directly related to how tired she is. Easy fix -- listen for a few minutes, bundle her into bed and start over again in the morning. In the past few days, though, I have discovered this project has brought out perfectionist tendencies and worry as yet unseen in our Caroline. Who knew that she would spend every day with that little worry wrinkle in between her eyebrows? So, even after extensive planning, list writing and quality shopping, we had the following conversation:

Caroline: "I am going to run out of money."
Mom: "How much do you have left?"
Caroline: "Two 20s and a 50."
Mom: "You mean $90?"
Caroline: "Yeah, it isn't enough."
Mom: "Are you going to the store tomorrow?"
Caroline: "No."
Mom: "Are you going to the store on Wednesday?"
Caroline (a little panicked): "Yes!"
Mom: "What are you buying?"
Caroline: "Grapes and celery."
Mom (thinking, okay, that's $10): "Are you going to the store on Thursday?"
Caroline: "No."
Mom: "Are you going to the store on Friday?"
Caroline: "Yes!"
Mom: "And you are buying?"
Caroline: "Two $5 rotisserie chickens!"
Mom (again, thinking $10): "You'll have enough."
Caroline (really panicked): "No! I will not have enough!"

Sigh.

$250 is plenty for a week . . . Really?

When asked his opinion on how his first week of grocery shopping went, Tim said that it was "pretty terrible." He didn't like going to the grocery store every day (his choice initially) and he didn't like all the complaining he heard from his sisters.

I, on the other hand, think his first week was far from terrible, so I pressed him to find some positives in the experience. This is when he said:

"Well, $250 is plenty for a week."

Really.

He did, in fact, have money left over, $40. (Let me just mention here that I have now heard the following question from each child, "what happens to the money if we have some left over?" Now, we all know that my enterprising youngsters would like the answer to that question to be, "it's all yours, spend away!" Never going to happen, my friends!)

I asked Tim if is was possible that the complaining he heard from his sisters was any relation at all to the fact that he had money left over, since their biggest complaint was, "Tim only buys food HE likes!" and "there are NO snacks here!" I see a direct correlation between leftover cash and hungry, complaining sisters.

I will grant that I hear a lot of complaining when I am in charge, too, but my complaints come from a lack of preferred choices, not a lack of any choices. No one goes hungry in my kitchen!

So, my analysis is this. Tim had it pretty easy. Why? Because I gave him complete control, and I did not complain. When a cucumber was served as the green vegetable, I went with it. When pasta -- from the pantry -- was served for a second meal, we ate it. He also had it easy because his was the first week; the pantry was pretty full and he did not have to purchase several things that I would normally buy. The pasta? $2.29 per box (Barilla, gluten free, really tasty), and we served three boxes this week. Had he been home for the Alfredo, it would have been four boxes -- there goes $10 of his $40! He used cereal as the primary choice for breakfast; at well over $3.00 a box he saved money by not having to buy that this week as well. Caroline, on the other hand, has to buy at least two boxes of cereal tomorrow.

I think it is going to be important that each child take on the project for two weeks. Tim is pleased that he has extra money, but started with an advantage. He should also learn some things from the weeks the girls shop, about Rule #7 especially, since they are likely to not buy anything he likes. What goes around comes around, so he might be the next hungry teen!

New week, new kid, new method

Unlike Tim, who was given ample opportunity to plan his meals and make a grocery list, but chose not to, Caroline has done serious legwork today. She is not going to face her first week without thinking it through. Dinners for the next seven days are listed out on a white board, and her grocery list is written out -- divided into categories and labeled with which day she should shop for which items. Coupons have been gathered, and are also marked on the list. I'm a proud mama!

I still think she has too many big ticket items in her plan. Her meat list alone is at least $50, and includes two kinds of lunch meat, shrimp (we're back to that, instead of the salmon), lots of chicken and, of course, lots of bacon. She is planning to buy fruit, thankfully, but has a long list there, too. I hope when she goes to the store tomorrow, she keeps a running total in her head!

She has asked for some advice, since she was not impressed with Tim's system. She let us know that she was hungry "alllll week!" because he did not spend enough on Monday. I seriously think her list is probably upwards of $200 worth of groceries, but she seems to be planning on spending about $125 on the first shopping trip. We'll see how this goes, buying all at once is certainly a legitimate system, but without experience it could work against her.

She is a little worried about the blog, too.

Caroline: "Tim's week was so funny, what if I am not funny? What if there are no good stories for Mom to write on the blog?"
Dad: "Oh, don't worry, there will be stories!"
Caroline: "But what if my week is boring?"

Oh, sweet Caroline! I love your high expectations for success, but I guarantee that someone will have something to say about your turn for shopping that will entertain the masses. And I am pretty sure the best quotes will come right from your own mouth.

Lobster taste on a Ramen Noodle budget

Caroline has sensibly begun her planning for next week, and she is going to need some backup plans! So far, she has put salmon with bacon on the menu, along with shrimp and cheeseburgers -- also with bacon. She loves bacon, but I don't think she realizes how expensive it is!

I did discover a BOGO sale on salmon that goes through Wednesday, but suggested she might want to go with salmon or shrimp, not both. "But, Mom, I love salmon and shrimp!" Choices will have to be made, or we are going to be left with cereal for dinner by Friday.

I appreciate her willingness to plan, as Tim chose not to do much of that and ended up doing lots of complaining by the end of the week. However, Caroline's plan seems to involve serving every meal she loves that we don't make very often. She doesn't seem to realize that there are reasons we don't make these dinners often -- expensive ingredients, complicated recipes, lots of prep time. Giving up control to Caroline may result in way too much cooking stress to make it worth it!

Another problem I see with Caroline's plan is a large number of bread products. We eat gluten free here and while I make fabulous GF bread, my current method involves a refrigerator rise of 2-5 days. There is no last minute throwing together some rolls here! It also involves, well, work. Probably for me.

I know for sure that we will be having French Toast one night. Breakfast for dinner is a family favorite, and if someone else is planning and shopping, I can probably bring myself to stand over the griddle for awhile. Naturally, there will be bacon!

I just realized I have no control

I had a moment a few days ago when I realized that I will not be deciding what we have for dinner for the next eight weeks (nine, if you figure I'm not in charge on vacation, either). Sounds great, right? Turns out to be rather terrifying.

If I am not deciding the meal, we might not have a vegetable. Or a salad. Or fruit.

I like vegetables. And salad. And fruit.

I feel better when I eat from all the food groups, not just carbs and protein. But I no longer control the money, and while I can make requests, if I'm not at the store I have no control over what comes home.

Gulp.

Tim looked out at the garden the other day, and commented (with a bit of disgust) that "this garden isn't doing me any good yet, I can't use anything for an actual meal!" It is Minnesota, after all, we can't expect June miracles in our short growing season. Right now, I am feeling his pain! This garden isn't doing me any good, I can't run out and pick some veg and turn it into lunch!

I do realize that as a parent, I could put my foot down and demand that we have fruit available, and vegetables with every dinner, but that creates a problem. This project isn't about me, it is about them. It isn't about perfection in week one, or even by the end of the summer. It is about making choices, making mistakes and learning some skills. I have to let them go and hope for the best.

Letting go. That's a skill worth mastering for me.

Rule #7 -- Try not to be selfish

There has been quite a bit of complaining by the sisters this week, after they discovered that Tim is buying himself donuts every day, without buying them anything. Which isn't quite true, he did buy them things, just not donuts!

"It's not FAIR!"
"Why does he get to use the food money on himself?"
"He only buys things HE likes!"

Well, girls, life is not fair! As the keeper of the food money all these years, I fully admit to buying food for myself (Hello, Friday morning hot chocolate!), and there is nothing in the rules about not spending on yourself. The girls seem to have difficulty grasping that they, too, will be in full control, and can buy donuts for themselves every day if they want. The rules are the same for everyone!

On the other hand . . . try not to be selfish.

I had to add this rule after I found out that Tim was at the store with one of his sisters, bought donuts for himself and did not buy one for her! That seemed a little low to me -- he defends himself by pointing out that the sister in question was Sabine, and she really shouldn't be eating donuts; nonetheless, it wasn't too cool.

This is an unexpected lesson for me in the experiment. For one thing, I don't think Tim -- or any of my kids -- is particularly selfish. So, when the money started burning a hole in his pocket, and he realized he could get donuts every day, it was surprising that he didn't get treats for everyone. I think there may be an element of feeling like he is doing all the work and deserves a reward, and isn't that part of the human condition? In fact, we are raising a generation of work and reward children, a society that gives everyone a trophy just for showing up. 

For Tim, the donut is the trophy, and he is earning it for more than just showing up. He has quickly discovered that this is a hard job, tedious and never ending. While there have been many sighs, much eye rolling, and a few complaints right back at the sisters -- "I am getting slammed every night for my dinner choices!" -- he is doing the work, and maybe a donut a day isn't unreasonable.

On the other hand . . . try not to be selfish. Maybe buy a dozen next time.

Budget woes

Pasta is Tim's favorite food group, and Alfredo is his go to choice in any restaurant. When I started preparing Alfredo at home, he was in heaven! Homemade Alfredo sauce, grilled chicken, mushrooms, peas and plenty of pasta in a large bowl that passes by his plate at least three times before the meal is finished. It was not surprising to me that it would be in his plan, nor was I surprised that he chose to move it to a different day when his own plans changed.

I did hope he would feed us something, though.

When I asked again on Wednesday morning about dinner, he offered us the option of going to a restaurant, "I'll leave some money for you." Hmmmm . . . Been to a restaurant lately with five people, two of whom have to order gluten free meals? Not cheap. 

Mom: "I think you should count your money."
Tim: "Why? I have a lot left."
Mom: "Count your money."
Tim: "$148."
Mom: "It is your decision, but are you really sure you want to send us to a restaurant? It is only Wednesday, and that $148 has to get you through Sunday."
Tim: "I guess you should probably have the Alfredo, but there will be leftovers, right?"

A little while later . . .

Mom: "Will you be going to the store? We need cream."
Tim: "Sigh."
Mom: "and garlic."
Tim (appalled): "Garlic? We don't have garlic?" (Like a head of garlic is going to break the bank!)
Mom: "Nope, we're out of garlic."
Tim: "Sigh. Please tell me we at least have chicken."
Mom: "I think so, check the freezer."
Tim: "This looks like fish!"
Mom: "That's because it is fish."
Tim: "I need chicken."
Mom: "Look again."
Tim: "Sigh."

Off to the store again! On Monday, he thought going to the store every day for what he needed would be great. Very European and not a terrible idea, but not exactly ideal, either. By Wednesday, going to the store every day had lost its appeal. To make things worse, apparently he prefers to drive one car over the other and I heard, "I have to take that car?"  Like one is a clunker and one is a Porsche or something! You know, kid, you could be walking . . .

And the Alfredo? Delicious, but no leftovers. Sorry, Tim!

Cucumber is a vegetable

We are about halfway through Tim's first week of handling the family grocery shopping. For those of you who haven't met him, Tim is 16, 6'1" and 160 lbs., and a three sport athlete.This means that in the summer, he runs about 40 miles a week, rollerskis for several hours 4 times a week (training for Nordic skiing, cross-country skis on wheels, kind of scary looking!), does strength and core nearly every day, plays baseball and rides his bike pretty much everywhere he needs to go. As you might imagine, he eats constantly. The speed with which he goes through food is a big reason why I started this project, because I don't think he really gets how annoying it is to keep him fed.

On Monday morning, when he got the $250, I think he was excited about the project. Taking a little sister along, he drove off to Cub Foods to buy his first round of groceries, having decided on loaded baked potatoes for dinner. He came home with the potatoes and broccoli to put on them, along with Gatorade, peanut butter cups, potato chips, Fanta and hotdogs. No one else eats hotdogs or drinks Gatorade. He did not come home with eggs, milk or apples. Having spent $81, he had "lots of money left!" Dinner was delicious, and included the peanut butter cups for dessert. Day 1, a success!

On Tuesday, we had the following conversation:

Tim: "So I guess we need a vegetable or something for dinner."
Me: "That would be nice."
Tim: "Do we have anything?"
Me: "I don't know, did you buy anything?"
Tim: "Sigh."

He went back to the store and bought a cucumber, at which point I asked if that was for salad. "Salad? We aren't having salad! Cucumber is the vegetable!" Oh boy. With the chicken drumsticks and mashed potatoes, I'd say day 2 was a success as well, but I missed the salad.

The best moment on Tuesday came at the dinner table, when Tim was asked about his plans for dinner the next night:

Me: "What are you planning for tomorrow?"
Tim: "Well, we were going to have Alfredo pasta, but I am moving that to Saturday, because I won't be home for dinner tomorrow."
Me: "Okay, so what are we having?"
Tim:" I guess you aren't going to eat."

If you have ever seen Tim grin, you can imagine the look on his face when he looked around the table after that statement!

Happily, I can report that we did eat on Wednesday, but that story deserves a post of its own.

The Ground Rules

Leaving off the first and last weeks of summer vacation, and a family trip to the beach, there are eight useful weeks for my summer experiment. Conveniently, I have four children, so that means two weeks each for taking turns with my grand grocery experiment.  One week for disaster, and the second week for success!

Here are the rules:

1) The week is Monday through Sunday, and includes all dinner planning, all grocery shopping, and making sure there are appropriate food choices for breakfast, lunch and snacks.

2) The budget is $250 cash, provided to the responsible teen on Monday morning.

3) Siblings and parents can be asked to prepare various food items. From past experience, asking does not necessarily mean things will get made, but go ahead and try!

4) Transportation to the store will be provided, except for Tim, but the driver does not have to go in.

5) Baking supplies get ordered in bulk, and will be resupplied as needed without using the $250 budget if advance notice is given. If you want chocolate chip cookies RIGHT NOW but we are out of chocolate chips, go buy your own!

6) The weekly rotation is oldest to youngest, and then repeats.

7) Try not to be selfish. (I had to add this one, three days in and I am already hearing "Tim only buys stuff HE likes!")

Someday, they will have to feed themselves . . .

People often ask us why we don’t have pets, and my standard answer is, “I don’t have pets, I have children. Children grow up and tie their own shoes!” Except, it seems quite possible that our children won’t grow up and tie their own shoes. They may not know how to write a check, or make a meal or get a job.  Apparently, they might call home if they get a bad grade on a paper in college and ask us to fix it for them. Just as we signed them up for t-ball with a buddy, or requested the “right” teacher for 4^th grade, we seem to be hand holding right through the teen years and into adulthood.

I love my children. They are delightful people and I enjoy them very much. I do not, however, have any plans for them to move home after college. I realize the current job market for college graduates looks dismal, and that life doesn’t always work out as planned, but I worry that we are shortchanging our teens by not providing them the tools for success when they leave home. Beyond that, we aren’t allowing them to fail in safe situations so that failure in real life – which will happen – doesn’t come as a total shock.

Someday, my children will grow up, graduate from college, move out and need to feed themselves. I’m not too worried about this, because they all know their way around the grocery store and the kitchen, but in the meantime, they live here and I have to feed them. As they are 12, 13, almost 15 and 16, and are student athletes training for fall and winter sports, they eat. A lot. Every week it seems that I spend a fortune at the grocery store only to find myself back again the next day because the food is gone. When the food is gone, they complain. A lot.

The complaining. That is what gets me every time. Planning and shopping and cooking are annoying and time consuming, but the complaining makes me crazy.

This summer I have a plan to get this crew in shape for staving off future starvation. If I get a little less complaining and a little more gratitude along the way, so much the better. I’m guessing there will be failure along the way, but I have high hopes for valuable lessons learned.

It’s a summer experiment, teenager training, an educational opportunity. Or maybe just another moment of “Momsanity” as my family calls it.

Here we go, time to learn how to tie your own shoes . . .